Empty

We undergo through a lot of things in our life time. A lot of changes that changes us for better or for worse.

Sometimes these things are just too many, too daunting that one needs to spend time alone away from everything else. I feel this is one of those moments.

And so I remain empty.

Everything is Vanity

What would you do when everything falls down around you? when effort seemed vain, useless and futile?

It drives you crazy.

Especially, when you felt the ideas and schemes were great, and you were buzzing with excitement, yet everything seems to fall apart.

People leave.

Oppositions come.

Expectations delayed or disappoints.

Where would you turn to?

What action should one take?

Everything truly is vanity.

Solitude not a Multitude.

I wonder why sometimes when at the very moment you feel like hiding in the shadows God places you in the front lines to serve.

It's totally daunting.

Imagine those moments where you wanted to really dig deeper into the scripture, when you would rather sit down and meditate upon God's word in one tiny corner of the universe. There's this pang of hunger for solitude and reflection. yet God would rather bring you amidst a multitude.

It's kinda hard and somewhat unfair isn't it?

But that's where God is leading you. So there you must be, because obedience counts even if it doesn't make sense.

Thank You

I couldn't help but smile over the things that are happening.

I don't understand what this means or where we are right now, but one thing I am sure of: my prayers are being answered.

I long for a time when a person would come to offer comfort. A total stranger who would give you the same level of attention you throw at her. Someone who would make you feel that she is concerned about you and the things you do, even if she doesn't have any passion for any of those.

I guess this is it.

There are no labels yet.

But I pray to God that this would really be it.

I Never Learn

I guess this is it.

I never learn.

It's the same feeling of being shouted at from across the road in front of a lot of people. The same feeling where you got no where to run and nothing to do but smile.

Smile.

Even if it hurts. Even if it burns.

It's the same feeling you get when you're left hanging and the person you expected to see is suddenly a thousand miles away. No good byes. The feeling where you have no choice but to turn back, and smile.

Smile.

Even if it hurts. Even if it burns.

It's the same feeling when you're on the phone talking to someone who meant a lot to you, telling you that there's another one and that another one is also close to your heart - almost a brother. That feeling when you can't get the tears to fall and all you can do is let go. Just smile.

Smile.

Even if it burns. Even if it hurts.

Now the silent ones hurt the most. When kindness gets too much and too close for comfort, you fall but then in the end there's nothing there. So much for trying not to hurt anyone. There's nothing to do but smile.

Smile.

Even if it hurts. Even if it burns.

In the end it's always my fault. It's always the guys who are to blame.

There are just those stupid jocks who think they own all women, they take it all at the same time. Thereby making women think that all men are like that. They lie, cheat, steal and break leaving the women scarred and fighting for life - the life that they lost.

Then there are those weirdos who love too deeply even if unreciprocated. They get no fighting chance because the woman they loved thought all men are the same - stupid jocks. They couldn't say what they feel because they have been rejected even before saying anything. They just smile.

Then there's God. Why is God in the picture? Because He's the guy who loves everyone too deeply but gets rejected because everyone wants something else. He gets rejected because our careers, our futures and many other trivial stuff are seen as more lovable than Him - the author of love Himself.

In the end the guys are all to blame. They're all the same anyway.

They're all sinful human beings.

And they just don't learn. 

I just never learn.

Random Thoughts 2

I purposely titled the first post as Random Thoughts 1 because I know there will be a second one. I didn't realize it will come out a few hours apart.

I am thinking and typing at random so don't expect to find a direction in this post. Hello! Random Thoughts??

I am currently uninterested in doing my work. I am just killing time and energy here. The irony is that though I realize that I am doing nothing worthwhile, I like it and still continue doing it.

Heaven came down and offered me a good life. I have COCO JAM!!

It is hard to set up a business especially if you are not business minded. The paperwork is harder than 100 evaluation reports with home programs on a monthly basis.

I am just ranting and accomplishing nothing. clap clap clap.

Random thoughts 1

January 2013.

What is happening. A month deep into the new year and I don't know what's happening.

I'm just around trolling. Commenting on other people's facebook, twitter or blog. Making fun of their posts whether it's about serious matters or just trivial stuff. It just goes to show that nothing's happening.

Things just happen in a blur. Everything's blurry now. I don't actually know what's happening.

Funny thing though is that I like it that way. Blurry. Nothing definite. Nothing absolute.

I find myself drifting in limbo where my work is a sideline, my hobby my past time and my whole life a blur. All the while I still manage to survive.

Still, it's hard to prove you're not a robot.